As some of you may know and some may not I have been going through the worst downswing of my poker career. We are at a new milestone of 18 months and around 1500 total hours of around breakeven play.
It is so hard to put into words what I have been experiencing, but the easy days of hitting top pair getting a few streets of value say 10 times a night are just gone forever. Now it's maybe hitting the board once or twice and maybe getting a single street of value. The rest of the night is dealing with two outers made draws by villains and generally no good hands to play with.
I am 100% sure that not even Bart or anyone else on this forum would be able to eek out a decent win rate given what I have seen over the last year and a half. Would a better player been able to make more? Possibly, but the variance would have had to been sky high.
Every time I think things might be turning around I go right back in that black hole and nothing seems to help me get out. I mean I hear all the time "just bluff more" . right like that is the answer to everything. Again sure I could just always shove on the river but again sky high variance. So ask yourself how many really good bluff spots are you in a night? 2? 3? Are they all in? or just a few hundred? This can really make a difference but as Bart has said for so long our game is really a game of value and when that has left the station then you are left with far few avenues to make any money.
Well for some of us we can say "but I still love the challenge" and maybe one day I did but not anymore. last night in a fairly juicy Omaha game I saw how my top trips got run down by someone with a worse kicker. Or I missed that nut low nut high draw for a huge pot. Just a few spots and I was down 1000. then in a plo/plo8 game I literally just sat there for almost 7 hrs with no real hands to play and won just one pot over $200 ..only to finally get my $400 all in with top two pair and a flush draw against top set and nut flush draw..
Then there is the "friends" you thought you had in poker all but disappear when the road gets tough. Not really sure if this is about men hiding from emotion or people worried that this "bad luck" will rub off of them but other than one person or maybe two NO ONE has reached out to me to find out how I am doing. People I spent years chatting with about hands improving their game gone in a blink of an eye. I feel completely isolated. I left discord and deleted the app. No one really wants to hear how yet again I have managed to have 4500 in equity in a session only to lose 1500. Then there is the endless and I mean endless suggestions on how to improve my game. It's just so hard to sit there and listen to others tell me how to fix my game when I ask myself? How do I fix getting in a set vs top pair only to see it go runner runner for yet another 4000 pot lost? How can I fix that? I did what I was supposed to I got it in better than a 90% favorite only to lose it. I cannot tell you how often this has happened. The run of the mill AK on Ace high boards vs A6 for $1000 that's gone too. So tell me really how am I supposed to win in poker when these keep happening over and over again?
Then there are the people who think I am just tilted and not playing my best. I am sure that is partly true. When you are constantly losing you absolutely lose your edge. Pushed an open ended straight and flush draw only to see the nut flush draw and miss. Or make the right decision with a set (finally) vs a loose player making a turn move with a combo draw only to hit it for $3000 pot. Yep that is my world.
And yet I am only down $6000 so far this year. But then if I don't enjoy playing and not making any money why am I doing it? Because I cannot do other things physically and it's the one thing I can still do outside my house that doesn't require me standing or walking. So it's either poker or be a hermit.
I am seriously considering not going to the WSOP this year and did not offer up a package because why would I considering how I am running. Not very fair to my investors. If I am going to win it will be on my own not because anyone has been very supportive. And that really is the crux .. In poker you are really all by yourself.